It's the first week of spring quarter and so far it has been a fair quarter except the fact that my jump drive decided to crash on me ...that's right , for absolutely no good reason whatsoever ! and sadly i had to re-summarize about 60 articles and start writing my research paper again! on the other hand , I moved again...this time back to my real apartment ( HAPPY DANCE), and i am still trying to take care of that disaster ( since you know, moving just eats time like candy).

On a happy note, I will be done with my degree hopefully fall quarter2010 (lets see how much more creative they can get to keep me from graduating!!!) , i have to waste a whole year just because of 8 credits.....well not quite a waste, as i 'm weighing my options , i am considering to do a Biochemistry master's before i apply to medical school. so i don't have to waste a full year ( I rather do something meaningful rather than you know...). i am also loving my job in the laboratory, it's great ...i can see how it helps the growth of my perspective on disease and it's causes! it's great to enjoy what you are doing , and i sure do!

Skinner

Skinner's take on free will :

In his book called Beyond Freedom and Dignity Skinner responded to criticisms about his lack of recognition of human dignity and free will.  He asked:  What do we mean when we say we want to be free?  Usually we mean we don’t want to be in a society that punishes us for doing what we want to do.  Okay -- aversive stimuli don’t work well anyway, so out with them!  Instead, we’ll only use reinforcers to “control” society.  And if we pick the right reinforcers, we will feel free, because we will be doing what we feel we want!

Home

So I woke up this morning with this weird feeling of doubt and wonder that i am still carrying right now .....I had unusual dreams all night but I can't figure out what caused it , i had a normal work day yesterday and i was emotionally fine all day . then why seven hours of nightmare????
I cried in my sleep ,i figure a lot cause i couldn't open my eyes this morning they hurt so much .
I think it's about time to have a trip home ..back to Tehran for a month or so .May be I just need a break from everything .I haven't been home for almost 4 years...it's getting way too long .
I just don't know ....if i should go home end of July or in December.....I can't put my thoughts together and that's very annoying. Things are getting more and more complicated everyday regardless of how complicated I make it in my mind ....maybe I just need to sleep more ...so I feel better or maybe I should call some friends and hang out with them ..that might make me feel better or go and do my work in the library.....i have no idea and i think i am going insane.... I miss my family so much :'-(

how true is that ....oh wait ....what ???

“if you do negative things, you’ll see negative results in your life. Oh well, there’s also the idea of emptiness. Nothing is intrinsically good or bad. Your karma is what makes you see things as good or bad. Like, if you’re seeing me as an angel, you have good karma”;-)

what would you call it .......Energy or God ?????

sometimes you think , Oh i don't have a good definition of so and so, but enough knowledge ...and you still can't win a debate .... or sometimes it is not the case at all . some people don't even agree even if you are right until you put them in a corner .
i saw one of my very religious friends ...i mean very ...very !!!! that day i was just too annoyed and too tired of everything that i had to do and i just didn't want to do them and nothing basically was going right for me ...so i see her and we start talking and i end up hearing this: (she says and i quote ) " My dear .....don't worry give it to God and he will solve all your problems .all you have to do is to ask him from your heart and trust that he opens the doors for you . "
unfortunately i was just too tired to keep it quiet ..so i said ...well here is my to do list ...give it to him and tell him i want them done by Saturday !!!! ( and u know, i said the wrong thing at the wrong time)
so she went on and on for like 20 min that i shouln't talk like that and i just could not stop her .......she is a physics major and you would think , someone who is getting her PhD in physics would be more open minded than that !!! i found a new way ...so i asked her, Define God ?
" He is with form; He is without form.God is not a creature and never had a beginning point, he have always been and he always will be ......" and she goes on!
then i asked her to define energy ,"energy cannot be created nor destroyed......" so i ended up telling her it's all energy and we are all one ...it's all connected" ( i wasn't this brave and i always thought i am wrong ..but since it has been proven by science i am more brave :P ) i can't even explain the look on her face ...!!!!
Adam always says i am spiritual person and i wouldn't say no , i am not ...i believe in a higher power than humans and i believe that's the universe which is in control and i need to believe in myself ( that beats me ) ..but i don't believe in such gods that people have been fighting over in our history ..... that just separates people and causes trouble, i sometimes think some people are in dark and we have wrong definitions of how life should be ......any ideas ?????? :)

Spring

third week of spring quarter just ended ,and i have so much to do ..it's not even funny.doing clinical observation , classes plus the research i am trying to figure out , working at Alden ,teaching a lab and all the papers and my readings on the side...just thinking about them makes me feel dizzy .i enjoy doing all of these but when i put them in a week ,it starts to look scary. other than that other things are going better and i hope things either improve more or stay at this stage for a while .
what i am going to be doing in the summer is another great concern ......doing research and working , and taking classes or just going home for a while .....??????
first option is what i did last summer and i loved it and i don't regret doing it , and you know it is needed in order to get done next spring and getting ready to start med school that fall ...i hope ! on the other hand i have not been home for almost three and half yrs now and i would love to go and visit - i miss my family sooooo much :'-( ...but i am not ready for that either .i am not at the stage i want to be yet before i visit them.
on that note i should start looking for a job for the summer, which i have no hope for that in this disaster (economy)!!!!!
things are going better for Adam and I and that's pretty much the only thing that keeps me going right now, because everything else looks crazy and the only time i have peace of mind is when i'm with him so that makes things easier ....thanks baby ! :-*

My Einstein Glasses

recently i started studying about Albert_Einstein,his ideas ,and of course his life again, which is unusual because it hasn't been that long since last time i read couple books about his theories .I think it is always great to look at the world from his point of view ....which i call it Einstein glasses ,and i put them on sometimes and look at everything from his point of view .It helps me not to be so deeply involve in daily matters. it gives me a chance to have a great distance from my surroundings .
it is spring and my new quarter has started , a lot of new things had happened past couple weeks which i didn't expect ,i had to face them and it was not going by my will . spending time (quality time ) with a person who i love as part of me gave me a different impression of how things need to be and i am extremely happy for what i have experienced even though it was painful at the moment .Iranian new year( nowruz, http://info.kodoom.com/en/Nowruz-1388 )did start at beginning of the spring and i spend my new year with my best friend <3 . he filled up the empty spot in my heart from all the people who i haven't seen in few years and all the moments which i miss deeply!